nobody wants to be told they’re an asshole. underrepresented folks, whether they’re a racial minority or a woman or a trans* person or disabled or what have you, have every right to be angry with how they are treated, from everyday micro aggressions to legislature that doesn’t treat them like they deserve rights. they should be angry. i’m angry!! i’m fucking furious!!! that said, i put a LOT Of effort into being neutral when it comes to an issue that involves someone who is privileged and generally uneducated about Difference and Inequality. people have an amazing threshold for change; three years ago i was making sexist quips and racist jokes and i didn’t even know what being transgendered meant. patience is really important when it comes to education of any kind, especially when it comes to a situation where someone is learning that a behavior or a mindset that they grew up thinking was completely acceptable is wrong and, in all honestly, pretty harmful and shitty. it is not every queer or poc or otherwise underrepresented person’s job to educate the uninformed. but if you’re going to, try to stay calm. i know it’s hard. it’s so, so, so hard. but more likely than not, the harmful behavior is a result of ignorance and that ignorance isn’t going to go away if you call someone a dick for being sexist or racist or whatever else they might be. you have to be the better person here, and that’s not fair, but it’s the way it is!! be nice, and practice patience.
i was watching family feud and the question was ‘name something a woman might have under her arm’ and there was one answer nobody could figure out and one of the guys said flab and the answer was books and i feel like that just sums up america
When you experience a vague sense of inequity or deprivation but don’t have a template for whether your expectations are fair, drink.
When you aren’t sure whether the lingering sensation that you aren’t liked enough is a rational response to unfair circumstances or is in fact symptomatic of your tendency to blame your environment for your own failure to self-actualize, drink.
Drink if you experience a sudden flood of shame at the realization that you haven’t done much to deserve really any of the things to which you aspire.
If you suddenly realize you actually felt militantly entitled to something while sabotaging yourself, drink twice.
If you spend a long time mulling the nature of ‘deserving’ and what it actually means, and if you can’t really resolve the question of whether anyone specifically ‘deserves’ anything and come to an impasse about chaos and the innate unfairness of life, drink.
When a person or situation isn’t what you thought it was going to be, and you can’t figure out whether this is your fault for projecting unfounded qualities onto the person or someone else’s fault for actually misleading you, mistreating you or letting you down, drink.
Drink when ambivalence haunts you.
If you notice that you unconsciously but consistently put yourself into situations that deprive you of your resources and move you further away from your goals, drink.
If you cannot work out whether your present situation, challenge, relationship et al is yet another state of unconscious self-sabotage despite the fact you feel deprived, drink.
If you can’t tell whether you’re actually in a negative situation or just an ungrateful person who blames everyone else for your problems, drink.
Drink if you aren’t sure whether you are assuming too much responsibility for your own current unhappiness or not enough.
If you find that after long hours of contemplative malaise you suddenly feel as if nothing in particular is actually wrong and you feel the desire to relax or celebrate, drink.
If you suddenly find yourself highly focused on gratitude and create for yourself a long list of all the things that you are doing successfully or correctly or that you are fortunate to have and want to feel unburdened or euphoric, drink.
If you can’t decide whether you are actually ‘celebrating’ or simply engaging in artificial gestures of relief, take two drinks.
If you can’t tell whether you are an overly-strict person with inappropriate guilt about normal human self-moderation behavior or an avoidant adult child making excuses for your poor coping, drink.
If you feel persistently like you are failing to grow up, drink.
If you can’t tell whether a certain youthfulness in others represents an admirable refusal to adhere to repressive social norms or an actual inability to deal with difficult adult challenges, drink.
If you aren’t sure what it is right to expect of yourself, drink.
If you aren’t sure whether you are repeatedly failing to reach a personal set of behavioral goals or simply consistently feeling inadequate no matter how hard you work, drink.
If you aren’t sure whether you need to ‘lighten up’ or employ more self-discipline, drink.
If you aren’t sure whether you do or don’t want to talk to your friends about it because you aren’t sure whether you are a reasonable person experiencing occasional insecurity or a neurotic person who cannot be soothed, drink.
If you suspect you might not even have much reason to be unhappy and in fact just overthink everything and lack a stable internal compass, drink.
If you think you might just feel lost because you drink too often, but then you think too much when you aren’t drinking, cry.
If you’d rather not think about this kind of thing right now or maybe ever, take two drinks.
“so, tell me about yourself.” I show you my tagged/me/ on tumblr. you nod silently through each post. “you got the job, kiddo.” we firmly clasp hands and shake once, vigorously, like men. i spill coffee on my tie